Can a person be helped if they don’t want to be helped? It’s a difficult question to answer.
Truth be told, deep down everyone wants to be helped. There is no perfect human being with a perfect life. We strive towards that perfect life but we can’t ever get it. No matter how the things may look on the outside, some kind of pain always lies in our souls. It’s perfectly normal because without pain we wouldn’t be humans.
Still, while we all have problems, very few actually seek help to try to resolve those problems. It can be even more devastating if people don’t realize that they have problems.
We are living in a world where having problems is bad enough but admitting to having them is almost inconceivable. In part, it is due to the fact that we don’t want to have problems (who does?) and secondly because we want to appear happy and courageous no matter what. It’s in our culture.
You see, we evolved from the prehistoric people where showing pain would probably mean death. If they were attacked and wounded succumbing to pain could have been detrimental to their survival. This behavior continued well into these days, whether consciously or subconsciously.
I’m saying consciously or subconsciously because not showing pain is not detrimental to our styles of living today. Yet, our ancestors continued propagating the same idea where showing pain was thought to be a weakness. Strong people didn’t show pain. Strong people didn’t even feel pain – so we were told.
When you see all this, it’s no wonder that it’s difficult for people to express their pain openly. It’s like we’re running away from it, afraid more of showing it than feeling it. After all, people might mock us for showing pain. They may laugh at us, tell us that we are weak.
What most people don’t understand is that by laughing at someone, people release their own tensions and problems imagining, if only for a second, that it is not them who have a problem. Do you know why people loved to watch public executions (when public executions were still in) or why they flock whenever there is a car accident or something like that? One of the reasons is because it tells them that it’s not them, that they are not in that situation. It makes them feel better. It’s not conscious though, and the main reason is the sheer curiosity.
Then what are we afraid of? People who don’t care about us? Or are we afraid of ourselves?
It’s not only other people who hinder us from being who we are (and we are the perfect mixture of strengths and weaknesses). Our greatest enemies are us. We have that image, that ideal image of ourselves that we want to maintain. We want things others pretend to have, so we also pretend to have them. If we didn’t put on a mask, then not only would others know that we are fakes and failures, but we ourselves would know that. We would know that we don’t have that perfect life that is advertised as the only right way of living by the social standards of our respective cultures. What is worse, we would know that we are not who we pretend to be.
True, deep down, everyone knows they are not who they pretend to be. We all pretend – it’s the rule of the social game we’re all playing. If we didn’t play by the rules, we wouldn’t be able to survive.
Imagine the world where the rules of the game were different, where you were not supposed to do what society tells you to do, where you could just be who you really are. Imagine how that same world would look like, how you would feel. It’s interesting that so many people call this anarchy – a world where everyone can do whatever they want. People believe that by being who you are, you will somehow fall into anarchy and that’s why society has to impose rules on the individual to keep them from being who they are.
There is a long-standing belief that being who you are, equals chaos – murder rates would be higher, people would do whatever they want to each other. It is not so. By accepting yourself you will also accept others. Do we really need laws to keep us from killing each other and destroying the planet? If we do, then there is something seriously wrong with us. Laws assume that we are feral beasts who, if not tightly controlled, would go crazy. With social laws, we are already going crazy. Shouldn’t that make us question how everything really works? Aren’t we capable to live moral lives without restrictions?
Finally, do we truly want to be helped? Deep down we do, but like the society itself, we are afraid of becoming something else than what we already think we are.